Hillary-ous Puns

I am just here to show you some hilarious puns.

Puns:

1 . Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

2. I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

3. I would tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction

4. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.

5. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with me, but I soon realized that toucan play that game.

6. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put it down.

7. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

8. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

9. Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

10. My friend quit working at the pin factory. He felt there was no point to the job.

11. I saw a kidnapping today, but decided not to wake him up.

12. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

13. How did I escape from iraq? Iran.

14. Why was Cinderella thrown off the baseball team? She ran away from the ball.

15. Glad I know sign language. Its pretty handy.

16. Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

17. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

18. I hate insects puns, they really bug me.

19. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

20. What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.